It's a holiday here today

I thought I was done crying for the day until that jerk friend Jake Thompson called me all drunk and lovey just a second ago. Whatta guy! I miss that dude so much and can't wait to see him at Christmas.

So it's Tuesday night, I just got back from Carol's house for dinner with her, her boyfriend Alex, Colin's brother Rich, and the two of us. It was a rough start to the day. I stayed in bed past noon with cats sleeping on my legs because it was just easier to stay in my warm cozy bed than to get up and face another day of dreariness. However, my mom was persistent with her phone calls and managed to get me up. Her phone call cheered me up, and then I checked my email and found some more encouraging words from Michael and Heidi. The tears started to flow anew, but more out of thankfulness for having such a great family. Marie called to check up on me and I could barely get out the words to say hello for the first little bit, but then I managed to calm down. Alison sent me internet hugs and we talked a bit about our impending Christmas visit when we'll both be in Oakville for the holidays. Linden called to say that he and Josh would be heading to Whistler in the beginning of December and hoped I would be around. I have such amazing friends. And Colin sat down with me and talked to me about stuff and about how he's trying to be more supportive and that he's sorry that he's been hard to talk to lately. All the tears that flowed between noon and 1pm left me with stinging eyes for the rest of the day and evening, but also left me feeling a little more settled and gave me the ability to settle down a bit. I didn't have any great revalations, to be honest, and I won't say that I'm feeling much more positive about my situation, but hearing about other peoples' experiences gives me a bit of hope that maybe things will work out for me too, sometime.

In the meantime, I applied to be a dog walker/pet sitter. I hope at least THEY call me back. Today was Rememberance Day, and in BC this means a Stat Holiday. So I was able to not fret about the fact that I wasn't getting any callbacks about jobs, simply because no one was in their office. Tomorrow will be a whole new day of worry. My plan is to go for a run at some point...I didn't get the chance to report that on Saturday, I surpassed the 30 minute mark. I ran for 33 minutes straight...then I realized I had no real clue where I was. I ended up hiking through a forest on a trail for about 20 minutes, then getting to a road where I asked a passerby where the hell I was...then I ran a bit more before going to a community centre to use a phone. There, a man told me that I was only about 12 blocks from home, so I decided to keep running. However, by then my back was starting to hurt and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to walk the next day (which was also the day of my first riding lesson with Shawna) so I took it easy for the rest of the walk. So yeah, tomorrow -- run and then who knows. I may try and go riding but the forecast calls for "drenching rain" so I might nix that plan.

I headed to the barn today around 2pm in light rain, and when I got there, the owner, Joanne, asked me how I was feeling today (she knew I wasn't feeling great from my Facebook, and had offered me some encouraging words on there). I get a good feeling from her -- she seems so down to earth and also she's a tough lady who commands respect. Her horses are all lovely and she's provided me with a great opportunity to ride one of them. So I pulled up to the barn, still in the rain, and went to get Shawna from her stall. She was all perky and cute and I was so happy to see her...and by the time I was ready to tack her up, the rain had stopped! We got in a good ride, though the footing was quite deep in areas, and then I walked her through the forest trail to cool her out. No eagles today, but several hawks flew overhead. Heidi once told me that seeing a hawk means change is afoot, so the fact that I saw a whole lot of them at once might be a sign!

Riding ALWAYS cheers me up, so by the time I left there I was feeling so much better and was ready to face the rest of the day. I'm so glad that I can have that right now...I'm not sure how much worse I'd be doing without it, but it wouldn't be pretty. I'm so thankful for it. Riding is something I will never take for granted, because it is one of the only things that I can truly say that some nights before I get to ride, I am so excited that I can't sleep right away. I've been doing it for nearly twenty years and I still feel this way -- that is a special thing. And I'm pretty sure I can count on Colin to pitch in financially for this, because he sees how sane it keeps me (most of the time). So far I've paid the first month with my own money, but that will run out soon.

Oh, I DO have one solid plan for tomorrow -- buy some rain boots. It's inevitable, and there are a lot of cute ones in stores around here so I'm sure I'll find something good for not too expensive. It's not like I don't have all the time in the world to shop around...

Love you guys.

Coming to terms

I guess that list of emotions that you go through when shit is going wrong in your life sort of applies to a whole gamut of things. Take, for instance, the slow dawning of the realization that I've probably ruined my life. So far today, I've gone through anger, sadness, hostility, hopelessness, stupidity, and a bit of craziness. How is it that I thought it would be a good idea to throw my life away just so that I could experience a new place? How am I supposed to experience anything when I have no money? I mean, sure you can be all granola and say "just go read in a park" or "window shopping is fun!" but it's not quite that simple. First of all, when you feel totally hopeless, it's hard to look on the bright side of anything. When the stock response from every company you drop your resume off to is something along the lines of "it's great to see another woman in this business. Unfortunately, we have no work for you..." it's hard to feel anything but defeated. I was flipping through the Georgia Straight today and saw that Whole Foods is hiring. I will be applying there shortly. Then I made a joke to Colin about how Costco is hiring, and his response? "Well, it's a job!" Wow, thanks for that encouragement. That attitude is really positive when it comes to making me feel like maybe I DO have some better options other than fucking retail. I had a great career doing pretty much exactly what I wanted at home in Toronto, and now I'm probably never going to get anything like that again. Colin's response? "Why don't you go to a career planner and find out of there's something else you might be suited to?" I know what I'm suited to. I just did it for seven years, and then I decided I could find something better by just turning my life upside down, leaving my family and friends and starting from zero again. I've been to school. I have no desire to waste more years of my life trying to find something else to do. I was one of the fortunate ones who knew from a pretty early age what I wanted to do, and even luckier that I went out and did it. What was I thinking?

Anyhow, I know that you are all wonderful people and won't mind getting a lump of coal for Christmas. I'll try and use my abundance of spare time shaping those lumps into cute little animals or something. Maybe I'll go sit in a park and whittle.

Let's end this on a positive note, shall we?
http://cdn1.ustream.tv/swf/4/viewer.45.swf?cid=317016

325 KWV or something

Okay so I know that some of you are having trouble with Skype/iChat.  Or maybe it's me.  It probably is.  But I just want to say DON'T GIVE UP!!!  Once it works, it's great.  My parents and I have been using it almost daily and it's working fantastically.  It takes a bit of getting used to, but once you're over the hump, it's awesome.  Tonight, Monster and Riley got to see each other on Skype!!  I swear they looked into each others' eyes.  Yes.  

So it's Friday...almost.  It's around 11:30pm on Thursday night.  The days are really long right now.  Mostly I attribute that to the fact that 85% of my days are filled with shit.  Trying to find a job, writing cover letters and tweaking resumes, dropping them off to find once again that the studio isn't hiring, spending 2 hours at the insurance office getting set up with BC plates (I didn't have to get the one with the terrible slogan!  I was hoping to just happen to get an awesome plate that spelled a great 3 letter word...but alas.  I think it's 325 KWV or something equally mundane), putting shelves up in the new IKEA wardrobe that is nearly done being put together, shopping for new sinks (which our landlord will pay for an have installed), going to IKEA again, ordering furniture (we ordered a couch and chair from EQ3 and it will take 8-10 weeks), buying and unpacking furniture (a new sofa-bed for all of you, our guests!), throwing out the 3rd bag of garbage this week (it's gutting.  I really hope we will go back to one every two weeks as soon as we finish all this unpacking), getting my car certified so I could be deemed good enough to grace the streets of Vancouver (after paying $600 for new tires as the old ones didn't pass)...really, I could go on.  

Fortunately, this 85% leaves 15% of good stuff.  Seeing Shawna, my new horsie that I'm part-leasing (whom I'm allowed to ride as much as I want and is only a 20 minute drive away), cuddling with my kitties, keeping in touch with friends and family through letter writing and receiving daily emails filled with anything from simply a line to say hello or paragraphs of wonderful updates, spending lots of time with Colin, going to fun halloween parties, having the time to relax a bit and sleep in once in a while without feeling guilty about it (not that I ever feel guilty about sleep!)  

This morning I got up at 9am to go riding but it was pouring rain.  I had a bowl of cereal and read some emails, then decided to go back to bed.  3 hours later, I got up, showered and dressed and went out to a studio then to do the car insurance.  When I got home a while later, it had stopped raining and was getting dark, so I decided that I would bust ass to get to the barn while it was somewhat non-threatening outside.  However, by the time I got there just after 5pm, it was starting to pour again and due to the fact that the light on the ring isn't too strong, I didn't want to attempt to ride around in sloppy footing while being rained on.  Instead, I took a broom, sponge and some Ivory soap that I happened to have in my tack box and set to cleaning out the tack room that I only have to share with one other person.  At my old barn, I had a small box of a locker.  At this place, I have a WHOLE ROOM!!  With some shelves and hooks and stuff!  Sure, there are cobwebs and what look like cocoons in the rafters, but it IS a barn after all.  I brushed Shawna and gave her and the others in her barn (Georgie and her daughter Rose, both Clydesdales, Jenny the rescue Clyde, and Hope, the little paint pony) some carrots and pets.  Hopefully it will be nice tomorrow during the daylight.  I don't have many plans aside from keep trying  to organize the house (shelves to put up, speakers to wire, pictures to arrange and put up, paint touch-ups to finish) so I can be relatively flexible with the barn.  

Colin's got some friends who live nearby, Angus and Cecilia.  Angus and Colin went to high school together, and he has been dating Cecilia for a few years, so I'd hung out with them the past couple of visits I'd made to Vancouver.  I love those two!  We spent quite a bit of time together last weekend, and they were over last night to sit on our new couch and watch Anchorman (there were four people between two parties on Friday who were dressed as Ron Burgundy so I figured it was worth a viewing!)  We may go see that newest Woody Allen film tomorrow night...I'm a bit skeptical of that film.  Has anyone seen it?  Anyhow I just mention this because it's funny how I don't know what to call them yet, comfortably.  They are my friends, but usually I say "Colin's friend and his girlfriend".  I think it's gotten to the point where I can start calling them "my friends."   But I don't know!  You know?  All I know is they are great and make me feel very at ease living here with them nearby.  

We went out for our first brunch last weekend!  So far we've experienced cheap, yummy sushi, delicious indian food, vegetarian fare at my favourite restaurant, some mediochre pizza and some wonderful pizza, and dinner at White Spot.  But I needed to find a good brunch spot as it's my favourite meal to go out for.  On Friday night, I decided that I would poll strangers at the party about their favourite brunch spot in town.  I only remembered to do this twice, but no one really seemed to be able to pinpoint one.  Maybe it's just not as coveted a ritual here in Vancouver?  However, Cecilia and Angus brought us to Cafe Zen on Sunday morning.  Now, I'm not looking to replace Aunties & Uncles, cause I know it won't happen.  That place is going to be one of those places I'm going to have to visit whenever I'm home for a visit.  But brunch is a yummy ritual!!  So anyhow, Cafe Zen was lovely.  A bit of a wait to get in but the line moved quickly and the waitresses were so friendly, even though it was super busy.  It takes a certain breed of person to be able to deal with hungover people en mass on a Sunday morning.    I had a benny like my favourite dish at Insomnia -- poached eggs on an english muffin with tomato and avocado under delicious hollandaise sauce.  The homefries weren't comparable, but the eggs were perfection.  I'm still gonna look, but this place has potential.  The great thing about looking for new yummy restaurants is the yummy restaurants :)

Okay well I know this post was really rambling and maybe a bit nonsensical, but that's all I got right now.  Here's a photo of some eagles that were hangin out with me at the barn on Tuesday.  

Still no laundry baskets...but new IKEA furniture

I have some photos to showcase in this post. Perhaps I won't write much, just captions of the photos. I will, however, say this: Umberto FAILED the stupid bullshit BC Inspection. He's obviously too good for Vancouver. I have to get a new set of tires, and then I get their stupid sticker so I can get stupid plates. So now on top of the unpacking painting organizing buying furniture agonizing crap that is my life right now, I get to shop for tires. Fortunately, I have a lovely brother and father who were both gracious about giving me advice on what to do. Ultimately, I ended up picking some from Canadian Tire (where I happened to have been earlier and almost lost my shit in). Maybe I can pick a day to go to Canadian Tire AND IKEA in the same day!!! And then I'll slit my wrists! Maybe I can fit in a trip to Wal Mart before I bleed to death.

On a better note, I found a horse that I'm going to try out for a month and see how things work out. She's lovely (though she is a mare, and we all know how ladies can be...) and reminds me a bit of Hijack, though a bit smaller. Still the giant hooves and head and nice soft eyes though. I'm going to take her on some trails on Saturday with a couple others from the barn! Exciting! The barn is totally nothing special, and I'm a bit worried about the lack of a good arena to ride in, but everyone seems SO nice and laid back and casual that I'm totally drawn to it. I emailed the coach that I will be taking lessons with and she said I would just pay as I went, lessons are $30/hour for a private, and we could start whenever. But at the same time, they are laid back but really attentive with their horses upon my initial impression. So wish me luck with that!

Here are some photos! They span the past week.

This is Josh in a sushi restaurant down the street from my house. Sushi in Vancouver is like pizza in most other places -- there is so much of it that it's really cheap. So far I've only been to this one place and it was average to good, but cheap! $1 miso soup!


This is Josh in the Tsawassen ferry terminal. We were on our way to Victoria to stay with lovely friends and then heading to Nanaimo the next morning super early for Josh's conference. We missed the ferry and had to sit there for nearly 3 hours total.


Fortunately, Josh is a card shark and we had some heated games of Gin.

Gratuitous ferry shots


Rosie the wire-haired fox terrier! She is the cutest, most well-behaved dog EVER. She slept snugged up against my bum all night!


While Josh was at the conference all morning and some of the afternoon, I took a walk along the harbour in Nanaimo.

This is a past mayor of Nanaimo. He was nicknamed Black Frank, but I forget anything else. I guess he was a pirate.


This cat followed me for a bit of the way. An older lady stopped and said that she sees that cat often. He was stalking mice, and at one point jumped 3 feet into the air after one!


We went to deep-fried heaven, a place called Pirate Chips. They sell fish & chips but the rest of their menu is vegetarian and involves deep fried goodness with stuff on top. I got chili cheese fries and Josh had nacho fries. They also had deep fried chocolate bars, bananas, ice cream AND deep fried nanaimo bars. I had a non-fried nanaimo bar earlier in the day and it was totally underwhelming, I must say.


The ferry ride home was also full of Gin, with a power nap thrown in at the end. We drove home from Horseshoe Bay in rush hour, so what should have taken 15 min probably took around 40. Did I mention that I hate driving in this city? The next night Josh came out with Colin and I to a couple of bars. Then he had to leave!! Suddenly!! Well, sort of. He was meant to be leaving on the Sunday, but on Saturday I got a text message that he was at the airport and all the flights on Sunday were full so he had to go then. It was bogus, but it wasn't going to tarnish the rad times we'd just had. PLUS, MY CATS WERE ARRIVING THAT AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!

They love their catnip pouches! Colin and I got them (along with a whole lot of other stuff!) at a lovely pet store near our house called Tisol.

Mom and Dad obviously fed Monster well while he was staying with them!! Cute saggy tummy! Actually, to be honest with myself, he totally has had that tummy for ages. This is just an extra flattering shot of him.

I SWEAR ON MY LIFE that is not a Starbucks coffee in my hand.

Our cozy bedroom, which looks totally crooked in this photo but you get the idea somewhat. Stuffed animals reprasent!!

I will showcase the rest of the photos tomorrow. Halloween! Maybe I will take photos of cute children to whom I will be handing out candy. Or maybe I'll just give them rocks.

Where are the laundry baskets?

Hellooooooooooooooo
Today will be another day of organizing. We are getting cable and internet sometime today! (Right now we're stealing it) Then I have to sort out getting BC plates for Umberto. Sigh. I think I have to get the stupid new ones that say "the best place on earth". I'm going to stick a label on before Best saying "Second". Do you think that's against the law? License plate tampering? I guess I'll find out. Then I have to get new insurance, and maybe a parking permit. The streets around our house are pretty sweet cause you can park for free 24 hrs a day except one half of the street in front of our house, where you can buy a permit and then only residents of 2300 block (we're 2322) can park there. I think it's like $10 but really I'm just making that up. So yeah we don't need a permit unless we want to be able to park right in front of the house.

I rode my bike yesterday for the first time since I got here!! Twice! Once to EQ3, where we realized that biking on West Broadway (the main street) is stupid because the traffic lights here change about once every 5 seconds to red. Driving in this city SUCKS but that's another boring story. So on our way home we went via side streets and it was sooooooooooooooo much better. There are very few 4-way stops here, which I'm still getting used to -- it's just ingrained in me to stop at every freaking intersection -- but there are a lot of little roundabouts. And there are a lot more hills here. So far I haven't encountered one that I couldn't make it up, but I've seen them out the car window and it doesn't look pleasant.

Soooooooooo MY KITTIES ARE HERE! Yayyyyyyy allergies, how I missed you! Just kidding, of course it's a small price to pay for these little bundles of furry love. We went to get them on Saturday from the WestJet cargo building, as my parents put them on a plane in Toronto for us to pick up. We'd decided to put them in the same carrier, which some people seemed a bit worried about, but I knew they would just keep each other company and it would be fine. Monster looked pretty traumatised when we got the cage but Grumble was all "what's up guys?" and was ready to come out and see the world right away. We got the carrier to the car and opened the door and they both came out right away -- Monster hid under the seat the whole time and Grumble sat on Colin's lap and looked out the window. Once he decided to be a dashboard ornament and laid up beside the windshield for a bit, but the slope probably made it a bit challenging. Then when we got them home, it was the opposite. Monster was all about exploring, whereas Grumble headed for under the bed and hung out there for hours. They kept us up the first night, but the past two nights has gone back to the normal Grumble spooning with me for the first part of the night, then he gets up and goes somewhere else, and then by the morning he's sleeping on top of me somewhere. Monster wasn't big on the co-sleeping thing before, so I'm not surprised that he's not been sleeping with us yet. We don't know what to do with the litter though...we only literally have one closet at this new place, and that'll be holding a lot of clothing. So far, we've put it in the 2nd bathroom, but that happens to be down with our bedroom, so we've woken up once every night to litter box scratching. Maybe we'll have to build a little cupboard for them or something. I can't find the camera cable right now so I can't upload any of the cute photos I took of them with their halloween catnip pouches.

I can't type much more because I'm sitting on the hardwood floor and my butt is going numb. I could maybe stretch it to the futon, but that's almost worse. We need couches SO BADLY. I think we might have to get a cheap one off Craigslist to tide us over while we wait the 4 weeks or whatever that the order takes to arrive. Not that we've even ordered anything yet, but let's not discuss that.

Two more things though: having a dishwasher is so fantastic. I can't stress it enough!!! It makes cooking more enjoyable, and cleaning up so easy, and I think it might save some relationships out there somewhere. You should all look into it. It's lifechanging. :)

Second: GET SKYPE!!! Seriously!!! And keep it signed in when you're home!!! My mom keeps hers on and yesterday I called her randomly, just like a normal phone call! Jen and Carla and I chatted and I got to see them too! I can give you a tour of my house with the webcam! You can say hi to Monster and Grumble!! And it's all free. FREE. So get yourselves a webcam or headset or whatever, and SIGN UP. You can search for me with my gmail address.

Okay breakfast time.
bye for now :)

Kinda like in the old days

So!
Today was a pretty good day. Last night was our first official night in the new place! And I can't stress enough: Having a dishwasher is awesome. It almost makes moving worth it. Okay not really, but Marie said it would change my life and I believed her, but I didn't realize how right she was. I don't have to wash dishes anymore (for the most part)! It's great. Also last night, I did a load of laundry, which was fine but will be even BETTER now since the dryer got serviced today and should be in total working order again (an upstairs roommate said that it wasn't working properly so we got the landlord to fix it). The downside is that the laundry is shared between the whole house. I'm not sure, but I don't THINK that'll be a huge deal. Our bedroom is beside the laundry room, as opposed to the rest of the house which has to go outside to the door there to get in, so it's really easy to get to the machines, plus they are "industrial" machines which I guess makes them more efficient/faster? I don't know. These will all be things I will figure out over the next little while.

So yes, we've met the 3 people upstairs, but not the mom and her small child downstairs. However we haven't heard a thing from the downstairs at all. One day we thought maybe she was cooking fish sticks, but that was just a guess. The people upstairs all seem totally chill, which is good and bad at first impression. I won't say any more about that, because I'm trying not to be judgmental. Yet. :)

When we first got this place, Colin was worried about it. He had to be convinced that we should take it at all. I didn't understand why until the first day we had possession and we went to check the place out and decide on paint. Suddenly I couldn't see what was so amazing about it...the aesthetics were really great, but there were a few gaping holes in functionality that I hadn't even noticed before. For example, there are no screens on the windows. This means we will have to be really careful about which windows we open and stuff, because of the cats. (Who are arriving SATURDAY at 1:30pm!!!!!) Colin is convinced there is a solution ready-made, because there must be a lot of crazy cat ladies who live in super old houses like ours. I haven't looked into it yet. Fortunately, it's going to be winter here soon so no windows will have to be opened more than a sliver. Wow, I just used the words "fortunately" and "winter" in the same sentence. Anyhow I was concerned, but our boxes arrived on Monday and we unpacked the kitchen that night, then set up the bed last night, and things are starting to take shape. The bedroom is a far cry from our old loft-like bedroom, but instead of light and airy it's cavernous and comfy. This is actually what I've been used to pretty much since I moved out of my parents' house, as I spent years living in basements. It's sort of cool, actually, to get back to basement dwelling. To a point! I'm glad the rest of the house is above-ground. Especially the kitchen. It's a wonderful kitchen so far. So sunny and spacious and full of storage! And did I mention the dishwasher...?

Today was a bit on the slow side, but it turned out that that wasn't in a bad way. We rolled out of bed around 11am and Colin went out to grab food to make breakfast. I had a lukewarm shower (and then emailed the landlord to turn up the water heater) and straightened out the kitchen a bit more. Colin came back singing the praises of our neighbourhood stores and how great a place we live in, and then I realized that I couldn't eat without ketchup (Ian, I hope you're reading this!) so I went out in search of some. The shops in this neighbourhood are SO nice that it was actually hard to find ketchup. There is a market with lovely mostly-local produce that is both organic and non (and the organic isn't much more money at all), and a Greek supermarket with a whole aisle of sauces and oils, and then an actual grocery store (Safeway) within a few blocks. Finally I came home with some, and we dug the dining room table out from amongst the boxes and had some food.

Then, more unpacking. Boring! At one point I got sick of being at the house so I decided I'd go down the road to Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware. I picked up Venessa and we headed there. I looked around for a bit and then I realized: I would never shop in these stores back home. Why the hell am I in them now?? There was nothing in them that I actually LIKED (aside from a doormat with an owl on it!). I'm glad I realized that before I spent $50 on a toothbrush holder. So we left, and on the corner of Cypress and Main, I found a forlorn-looking boy sitting on a bench. I pulled up beside him and beckoned for him to come inside, and, lo and behold, it was JOSH SMITH! He hopped in and we headed to the liquor store and then back to my place!!

Man, was it fun seeing Josh. (The best thing is that I'm going to see him again tomorrow and Friday!) It's funny because it's almost so soon that it doesn't feel weird at all...it's like he just dropped by and we've just been too busy to hang out for the past 3 weeks. I hope that it will be like this whenever I see friends (because I know you will ALL be visiting soon, RIGHT?). I don't see why it wouldn't be...why would it be awkward anyway? But I guess you never know...just one of the many things I worry about on a day-to-day basis. Anyhow, Josh, Venessa, Colin and I went to Kitsilano Sushi on the corner of our block (it's so cheap there!) and had some food and booze, and then chilled for a bit on our front porch.

Tomorrow, Josh and I are going to head to Vancouver Island! He's actually here for a work conference in Nanaimo, and has "hired" me to drive him there and back, courtesy of his company. The conference is really early on Friday, so rather than get up at 4am for the 6:30am ferry, we're heading there tomorrow, late afternoon, driving to Victoria, and then hanging out with/staying with the Ellsworth's for the night (my parents' bestest friends and my favouritest friends), and THEN heading to Nanaimo. It will be a whirlwind trip, but it'll be fun for sure. As I said before, it's still interesting for me to drive around and see places. Though that enjoyment is waning from day to day. But that's another blog post. :)

T minus 62 hours until cat pickup.

The dining room is Cranberry

I finished the dining room, after 4 days between Colin and I of painting it. We've gone through a journey with this room so far...first we thought it was hideous after the first coat, and decided it was the colour of Hooker Lipstick. Then by the second coat we decided it was more Classy Lady Lipstick colour. Now the third coat is done, and it's a solid Cranberry. I can live with that! It'll be interesting getting furniture to somehow "match" it.

So I've had a pretty hard day. Now, I'm not very smart but I'm starting to see a pattern: Last time I remember crying this much was 2 weeks ago on my brother's birthday. Today? My dad's birthday. I can't WAIT for November 2nd, my mom's birthday. But at least it means that I'm guaranteed to get to talk to at least 2 family members at a time in one day!! Today was extra-special: I got to see Monster and Grumble on the webcam!! I like to believe that I saw Grumble's ears prick up when he heard my garbled Skype voice that not even most humans can decipher, it seems. I CAN'T WAIT TO GET THEM!! My mom is going to look into shipping them THIS WEEK!!!! Oh man. It'll be amazing when I go greet them at the airport. I can't WAIT to see their carrier approaching me on the Oversized Luggage carousel! I've decided not to drug them because it's too risky -- I've never done it before and don't know how they'd react, and I think they are tough enough that they can endure one day of stress and misery. Actually, reading that sounds horrible. Maybe I should just drug them?? Maybe I should ask Colin's cousin and her husband, who are both vets.

I don't really feel like describing my day in detail and describing why it was horrible, because if you look at it totally from an outsider's perspective, it sounds great: I got up, went for a hike around this little harbour town called Deep Cove with Marley the dog and Colin, then I talked to my family and saw my kitties, then I went to the new house and painted for a few hours, then I went out for dinner with some nice friends of Colin's, and now I'm here, and I might do some colouring. But overall, everything seems SO HARD right now. Getting through every hour is really hard, and I feel like everything I'm looking forward to is a one-time event and then I'll have to find something ELSE to look forward to. Does this make sense? I guess I mean it'll be short times of happiness spread between many long times of sadness. But those happy times are going to be INTENSELY good! Seeing my kitties! Finding a new horse to ride! Seeing my parents in a month! Coming home for Christmas in 2 months! So I'm thankful for that, truly.

Anyhow in this time of inertia, I've made a vow: I will become a GREAT Mario Kart player. I will strive to at least come in SECOND to Nick and/or Tom. More than once! Toadette and I, we will go far.

xo