I guess that list of emotions that you go through when shit is going wrong in your life sort of applies to a whole gamut of things. Take, for instance, the slow dawning of the realization that I've probably ruined my life. So far today, I've gone through anger, sadness, hostility, hopelessness, stupidity, and a bit of craziness. How is it that I thought it would be a good idea to throw my life away just so that I could experience a new place? How am I supposed to experience anything when I have no money? I mean, sure you can be all granola and say "just go read in a park" or "window shopping is fun!" but it's not quite that simple. First of all, when you feel totally hopeless, it's hard to look on the bright side of anything. When the stock response from every company you drop your resume off to is something along the lines of "it's great to see another woman in this business. Unfortunately, we have no work for you..." it's hard to feel anything but defeated. I was flipping through the Georgia Straight today and saw that Whole Foods is hiring. I will be applying there shortly. Then I made a joke to Colin about how Costco is hiring, and his response? "Well, it's a job!" Wow, thanks for that encouragement. That attitude is really positive when it comes to making me feel like maybe I DO have some better options other than fucking retail. I had a great career doing pretty much exactly what I wanted at home in Toronto, and now I'm probably never going to get anything like that again. Colin's response? "Why don't you go to a career planner and find out of there's something else you might be suited to?" I know what I'm suited to. I just did it for seven years, and then I decided I could find something better by just turning my life upside down, leaving my family and friends and starting from zero again. I've been to school. I have no desire to waste more years of my life trying to find something else to do. I was one of the fortunate ones who knew from a pretty early age what I wanted to do, and even luckier that I went out and did it. What was I thinking?
Anyhow, I know that you are all wonderful people and won't mind getting a lump of coal for Christmas. I'll try and use my abundance of spare time shaping those lumps into cute little animals or something. Maybe I'll go sit in a park and whittle.
Let's end this on a positive note, shall we?
http://cdn1.ustream.tv/swf/4/viewer.45.swf?cid=317016
Open Trip Pulau Pari
6 years ago
4 comments:
hey there, here's hope to things picking up in the near year, when new projects roll around, etc. It's that end of the year mehness when media type projects rap up. look into interactive multimedia companies too, maybe make that transition into video editing for the web!
OMG I finally got the link working. OMG PUPPIES!!!!
Sweetie,
Things will get better. Believe me. I have been through most of your feelings through life with all our moves and having no money etc. It is unfortunate that Colin is not being very supportive - sounds like time for a little talk!
Anyway, we will see you soon.
Hang in there,
Mom
sending you love and hugs...not that it makes it better but I'm thinking of you and hoping that something wonderful will come up soon.
xox
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